A letter to my son, Elliott Andrew:

Dear son:

I can't wait to hold you in my arms, tell you how much your mother and I love you. I can't wait to protect you, take care of you and shower you with so much love that one day, you'll look back and say "I had great parents and my dad did right by me."

To tell you the truth, Elliott, I'm terrified of being a good father and you have yet to make an appearance. I guess, well hope, this is a normal feeling for all fathers expecting their first child. The closest I've ever been to fatherhood is to Buddy, our family dog and your bodyguard in training. Even with Buddy I find myself feeling guilty sometimes that I don't do all that I can or should do to make his life the best it can be. But, I try hard every day to make sure he is happy and that he feels the undeniable love that mommy and I have for him.

With you, however, it's going to be a whole new playing field. Buddy, as I've explained to him, will soon take a backseat from the spoiled stage he has been taking full advantage of for the past five years and settle into his soon to be second fiddle position. There were times before I met your mother that I questioned whether or not I would ever be fortunate enough to have children. Because of this, I often would refer to Buddy as "son." And now, my son is growing and will be here before we know it. I'm going through a roller coaster of emotions, fears and concerns. I do know, however, that I am preparing myself to do all that I can to be the best dad I can be.

In doing so, I'm writing you a letter now that I will show you when you are able to read it.  I have always been able to communicate on a higher level through writing. It's like painting a picture - I see what I want to say in my mind and I write it down and more often than not, it's a much better form of communication for me. So, here is my letter I wrote to you when your mother was five months pregnant with you.

First and foremost, son, my promise to you is to love you more than anyone will ever love you in your lifetime. You are now, and will always be, the most important thing in this life to me and your mother. Nothing will ever be more important to us than your well being and creating a strong family bond together that will always be most important to all three of us. I will work on this everyday of our lives together and I will strive to be a perfect father, even though I know mistakes will be made. But know this, you will never have to doubt for a second your father's love for you.

I will be 40 when you are born and have, in some ways, already lived a full life. A life of so many ups and downs that it's hard to imagine I came out on the good side of it all. Life is never easy and, unfortunately, I've had to experience how unfair life can be on more than one occasion, but it was never as bad as it was when my brother, your Uncle Drew, died on April 5, 2005. The pain of that is still so very difficult for me to this day. The one thing I have learned through life's journey of ups and downs is that regardless of how bad it may seem, it can always get better with a little bit of elbow grease. Life is what you make of it, so I promise to always try to teach you how to stay positive and face the negative moments in life with courage, positivity and digging deep for that certain will power that will always help you find a way to overcome any obstacle.

I also will do my best to teach you right from wrong. Making the right decisions in life isn't always easy and knowing right from wrong can seem difficult at times, but just know that at some point in your life, you WILL know and understand what is right and what is wrong. You will know this because I will make sure you always understand the consequences of your decisions, good or bad. And if you do make bad choices in life, my hope is that you will learn from it. Always educate your mind, Elliott. Life is one constant lesson and the more you learn in this wacky world, the better man it will make you.
 
Developing this understanding early in life will benefit you as you enter your teenage years and especially in high school, which should be some of the best years of your life and a springboard for bigger and better things to come. From my experience, I will make sure you understand that you need to be your own person and not worry about fitting in certain crowds or being a star athlete. There's so much more to high school than crowds, parties, worrying about what others think of you and trying to fit in. Life is tough enough, so my job as a father is to try and teach you to create your own path. Walk your own line and make your own decisions that aren't influenced by peer pressure from others. And most of all, use school growing up as it meant for - to educate your mind the best that you can. Take advantage of what teachers are trying to do and always strive to always learn, learn and learn some more. Elliott, if you can somehow understand early in life to strive to take advantage of all the tools to educate your mind, understand right from wrong and creating your own identity, I promise you it will benefit you later in life in so many ways.

And finally, I promise to you here and now that I WILL always be there for you and that I will constantly strive to be the very best father a son can have. We will be a family that won't always have the finer things in life, but I will always work hard to make sure you have the best childhood possible. I will always talk with you and to you, I will always listen to you and never take you for granted. I will never for a second put my wants or needs in front of yours and will always take the time to always spend quality time with you. I will laugh and cry with you. We will argue and there will be times when you're just going to have to listen to me even when you don't want to. We will have our ups and downs and plenty of disagreements. We may even yell at each other. However, never to be overlooked through any of this will be my love and respect for my son. That will never be lost in my eyes. You, my son, will always be my heart and soul and the light of my life.

 I will support you in whatever you decide to do in life. If you want to play basketball as your father did, I'm all in. If you would rather be in the chess club, I'm all in. If you want to be a chef, teacher, policeman, politician, doctor, journalist or the president of the United States, I'm all in because you will always have your father's support to do anything and be anything you want.

I want you to have everything in life that I didn't get the chance to have: a normal childhood with a stable family. We will have family dinners at the dining room table. We will have family nights out. We will spend time talking as a family. Open and honest communication will be a key component of our family. I will make sure you get to know and love your grandparents, which is something every child should take full advantage of. Your mother and I will never desert you and the two of us will always work together to provide you with all the tools you need to become a smart, honest and polite young man. Our problems will never be your problems, yet your problems will always be our concern.

I will do my best to not be a helicopter parent. I will try to always give you space and not smother you. I have to honest from the get go of all this - this will be the hardest part of parenthood for me. I am going to always want to smother you. Guilty, I know. But I will never feel bad for loving you as much as I do.

I want to be more than your father ... I want us to be great friends - best friends. I want us to have a very special father-son-relationship and I will always work on making that strong bond stay strong. Just because your my son doesn't mean we can't be friends, too.

In closing, Elliott, I am already so proud of you and you've provided something to your father I never thought would happen — an opportunity to share a lifetime with my son. From the moment your mother and I found out we were having a child, our entire lives changed in such a great way and it's because of you. You have no idea how happy you have made us and in return, we are going to spend the rest of our lives showing you just how happy we are to have you as our son.

I love you, son.

The results are in ...

While sitting in the man cave last night, my mind was wondering in a million different directions. I wasn't able to concentrate on the football game and the outcome it was going to have on my Fantasy Football team. Even though sole possession of first place atop our league standings was on the line I found myself uninterested for the first time ever.

Those of you who know me, understand that me not caring about Fantasy Football means one of two things are probably happening: 1) The world is coming to an end. 2) Something a million times better than winning a Fantasy Football championship is in the mix.

We'll go with No. 2, although I do have my complaints (concerns) about the direction things are going in the world. But, we'll save that foaming of the mouth for another day.

Moving on ...

Yep. There I was in the man cave, watching the game, following stat tracker on my phone and going in and out of not really caring whether or not my player racks up points. I just couldn't get into the football groove that normally surrounds the man cave and drives my wife and dog batty. Instead, my mind was racing between thoughts of boy or girl.

It seems like yesterday when Kelley called me at work and told me she was pregnant, which was the most magical phrase since hearing her say yes when I asked her to marry me. We almost immediately began thinking of names. We argued, vetoed, debated, wrote out lists of names a mile long and finally agreed to two beautiful names. And last night, while I was gazing at the TV I realized that today was the day we would know whether Baby Husband is a boy or a girl. No more saying "Baby Husband." No more rubbing Kelley's beautiful belly and saying things like "I wonder if it's flipping me off every time I tap on your belly." Today, I realized, it becomes much more real for us and that is a feeling I just can't explain, but, believe me, it was and is glorious.

It's moments like today that puts everything into perspective. Yeah, we are having a hard time selling our small house so we can get a much bigger one. Big deal. Yeah, I only got to go to Vegas once this year. Big deal. And yeah, the economy sucks. Big deal cuz I'm gonna be a daddy.

Everybody goes through ups and downs in a lifetime, sometimes more than others. For me, I can honestly say the last five years have been very difficult and traumatic. I lost my twin brother, Drew, in April, 2005 in an unexpected death that literally turned my world upside down. And even though it's been five years, it still is very hard for me to make it through an entire day and not cry because I miss him so much. Last January, my stepfather passed away. It's been very difficult for me to see my family ripped apart the way it has been.

But does this entitle me to the better things in life because I have suffered tremendous loss. Absolutely not. It has, however, given me the strength to aspire toward better things in life for myself and my family without feeling obligated or owed anything. And today is a undeniable example of how Kelley and I have decided to make our lives even better together than it already is. We are going to be parents and that helps me personally to focus on the positives of life and not struggle with survivors guilt that I have battled since Drew and Curtis passed away.

So, today was a very good day for me and Kelley. We took another step toward parenthood with all the emotions and fears that accompanies being parents.

And now, Kelley and I would like to announce to the world that Baby Husband is a boy: Elliott Andrew Husband.

Last night, I struggled to focus on Fantasy Football because all I could think about was how great it would be to have a boy or a girl. And today, I got that incredible news. It was a moment this father will never forget.

And, on a side note, you'll all be happy to know that I did in fact win my Fantasy Football game and I am now sitting atop our league standings all alone.

It truly was a great day!

The Name Game

NAMING OUR CHILD DIDN'T COME EASY.

Now that we are less than a week away from finding out if Baby Husband is a boy or a girl, we're prepared to unveil the name of our child.

But before I do, let me broadcast this simple, yet firm, message to all those who feel it necessary to cast opinions about the decision to find out the sex and to publicize the names or any other choice Kelley and I make about our child: WE DON'T GIVE A RIP WHAT YOU THINK!

Now that I've gotten rid of the naysayers out there, let's move on.

Naming a child, as I quickly found out, isn't the same as naming a pet. Of course I foolishly thought we would nail down the names once we started talking about them. However, Kelley and I found it difficult meeting on a naming common ground. Instead, the dialogue often went as followed:

"Nope."

"No freaking way."

"Are you nuts?"

"There's now way I am calling my child that."

"You want a knuckle sandwich?" (Yep, this was an actual response.)

We did the veto routine, but this customary practice lasted well beyond the allotted five vetoes each. It reminded me of Ross and Rachel of Friends and how they were on two completely wavelengths when it came to naming their child. At one point, I think we both gave up and realized we had nine months to agree on a name. At some point, I knew the name game was going to have to eventually extend beyond hair-pulling madness and venture into complete joy.

Here is a list of names that we agreed made the final cut:

BOY: 
Andrew, of course.
Christopher
Boston
Brian
William
Thomas
Vaughn
Jason
Cash
Elliott

GIRL:
Beatrice
Violet
Autumn
Daisy
Vivian
Ellen
Lily
Birdie
Willow
Charlotte

The one decision we agreed on once the naming debate began was that if we have a son his middle name would be Andrew, which is obviously the name of my late twin brother. If we have a daughter, the middle name would be named after someone from Kelley's side of the family.

It was a lot easier for me to come up with boy names. I drew inspiration from some of my closest friends, family members and favorite cities (Boston. Vegas wasn't even an option for Kelley). I also wanted to threw at least one name that I knew would stand out in a crowd, thus, I came up with Vaughn. And, of course, it was easier for Kelley to come up with girl names.

About three weeks ago we picked up the naming negotiations with a fresh perspective. I had heard a name on NPR (National Public Radio) that struck a chord with me and it was name that had not been mentioned. I researched the name, it's popularity and its origin and after awhile, it seemed to stick with me. I brought it up to Kelley one night at dinner:

"So, what do you think of Charlotte for a girl?"

Kelley's eyes lit up, she smiled and quickly replied "I love it."

So, there you have it. If we have a girl, her name will be Charlotte Ellen Husband.

I thought I had convinced Kelley for Vaughn Andrew Husband if we have a son. I was pretty stern on Vaughn ... until Kelley, my mother and my sisters teamed up on me on night. I was about to throw in the white towel and start this process all over again until a name came to my head out of the blue that neither of us had yet mentioned: Elliott.

Bam! Nailed it!

Elliott Andrew Husband.

We loved it immediately and kept saying it aloud to one another. It was perfect for both of us.

Eventually, we did find that joyous common ground that seemed like an impossible destination. Once we did, we were both elated knowing we now have the names of our son or daughter.

Charlotte Ellen Husband or Elliott Andrew Husband. You don't know it, but you've already made your parents so very proud.

Oh, and by the way, don't listen to your mother. I was the one that came up with both names!

Getting $$ in order

I'm no longer a cash-spending habitual offender. And we can all thank Baby Husband for this.

CASH LOCKDOWN.

I have always loved to spend money. No lying. No fabricating the truth. It's been a downfall of mine for a long time and has gotten me into trouble a time or two in the past. Like the time I spent my rent money in Cleveland (1999) for fifth row seats to a Dave Matthews Band concert. Or the time I decided buy a second flatscreen TV and  telling my wife after the fact. That one didn't go over so well, but at least we have high def in the bedroom.

Since July, something in me changed. I no longer have the impulses to have this, have that or spend time online scrolling for another sports jersey to add to my already insane collection. My wife has finally found a way to curb my annoying spending habits. Having a baby on the way was the trick.

So many of my friends with children have told me and Kelley since July that having a baby changes everything. For us, the change began when I all of-sudden became a money-saving, no spending fool. Totally blew my wife's mind. Although I almost fell off the wagon this past weekend when I wanted to buy a Randy Moss Minnesota Vikings jersey that was half off in price because apparently Moss is now the Antichrist of the NFL. However, my wife reminded me of my new-found love of not spending money ... Damn! 

So, for the next 18-plus years, it's apparently all about Baby Husband while my wants and needs have slowly faded into the backseat, or better yet, fell off the face of the earth. No more vintage Boston Celtic and Red Sox jerseys. No more walking into a brew pub and walking out with the glass with the cool logo and no more speakers, TVs or any other device to improve my makeshift theater system in the man cave. Instead, we have made a deal with each other to rid ourselves of what little bit of debt we have. We wanted to be able to wipe the slate clean of all outgoing monies now so we can inherit more important debt thanks to Baby Husband. 

In one of the numerous books we are reading now, getting your finances in order is one of the first suggestions when getting ready to have a child. Having a clean slate, and peace of mind, when the baby arrives will allow us to do more for the baby and pay off what I can only assume will be a small mountain of medical bills.

So as of this blog, I'm proud to say Kelley and I are now pretty much debt free. It wasn't easy, but we were able to wipe that slate clean a hell of a lot earlier than expected and now can breath a huge sigh of relief knowing we can save even more money for not only Baby Husband but the new house we've been talking about, just not another jersey, shot glass, TV or anything ever again from Best Buy.

Yeah, right!

Too soon to tell

Bummer-ammundo!

For some strange reason, Kelley and I both thought we would find out the sex of our baby Tuesday. Our hopes were as high as the Denver air and our excitement could barley be contained and was about as comparable to the day we got married.

Then, poof. Our premature hopes were thwarted ... for the time being.

At our last ultrasound, the baby was incredibly visible. We could see Baby Husband's legs, hands, skull and spinal cord clear as day. Our doctor told us then he thought we might be able to find out the sex on our next appointment, which was Tuesday. So, of course Kelley and I built up this incredible hope and all but convinced ourselves we would no doubt find out if Baby Husband is a boy or a girl.

There was a momentary sigh of sadness for us when we found out it was too early. However, that moment was brief and soon filled with the same growing joy we've had since we found out we were having a baby. We did, however, get to hear the heartbeat again, which is something that makes all the bad things in the world go far away. There is nothing better in my life right now than my baby. It truly is a magical feeling. Knowing we are going to have a baby and be parents is something we've always wanted, but when it's actually happening it can seem surreal at times.

Many people wait to find out the sex of the baby and we respect that. Honestly, for me, I couldn't hold out that long. I'm too weak when it comes to something like this. Either way, it's going to be surprise if we know or not. So kudos to those who can hold that long - I can not.

The magic date is now Nov. 23. That is when we will no doubt found out the sex. And as I write this, I am one day closer to finding that information out.

So, until then, stay tuned ...

Impatient Daddy

Even though we still have six months until Baby Husband arrives, I've already started the nursery. Aside from the excitement this gave me, I must admit that my inability to be patient kicked in.

Being patient is a phrase that simply doesn't apply to me. I get a plan in my head and there's no stopping me and certainly no waiting. It literally drives my wife nuts.

So when we recently inherited a crib from some friends,  I went to work. It wasn't in the house 10 minutes before I was knee deep in screws, panels and plenty of WTF questions. Yet, two hours later and a six pack of St. Paulie Girl, I had Baby Husband's bed together.

And to think, Kelley wanted me to wait awhile to start the nursery. I may be impatient, but in this case, I think Kelley actually applauded my impatience considering every time she walks into the nursery the first thing the hits the airwaves is "Ahhhhhhhh."

Lights out at 10 on Friday nights

The last time I was asleep at 10 p.m. on consecutive Friday nights was in the Ronald Reagan era. Gas prices were below a buck, Grand Junction wasn't half the city it is today, I was a know-it-all rebelling against my parents and teachers and, of course, I knew everything.

I should add that the I was probably grounded, which would explain the in bed at 10 p.m. thing way back then.

Having a pregnant wife changes everything, especially the nightlife. Before I met Kelley, I was intertwined with the greatest group of friends a guy could ask for. It seemed no matter what I was doing or where I was doing it, I was always surrounded by the same group of friends and the nights would last forever.

I met Kelley Lin when she took the mic for the all-girl band Riveter, which also included good friends Robin and Laurena. Robin is married to Bill, who has his own band — The Wrong Impressions — and Laurena is married to Scott who fronts Exit 42. I was groupie for all of these bands before I met and fell head over heels in love with Kelley, and before I knew it, I was married to a rockstar who was in a band with some of my closest friends and incredible musicians.

With gigs here, there and everywhere, we all spent a lot of time together. Traveling to shows, spending weekends in different towns and the countless nights we always seemed to end up in Bill and Robin's backyard. These were truly epic adventures.

However, things do change.

Once we found out Kelley was pregnant, everything changed. After many long conversations, Kelley and I were well aware that at some point, her time in the band would have to be put on hold. Music is a lot of who Kelley is. She needs it like we need air to survive. With that said, music will always be there and she will find her way back to it someday and when she does I will once again be in the front row with Baby Husband in tow.

Once the band retired it's guitars, hooker boots and fishnet stockings, Kelley and I, for the most part, also retired our nightlife which, up to that point, produced a lifetime of memories in a short time. However, it's not as though we are barricading ourselves inside our house. We just decided that we wouldn't do the bar scene and late nights, which, unfortunately means missing out on nights like last night when Bill and Scott's new band — M80s — played. And this also meant missing time with our great friends. Of course we will no doubt spend plenty of other great times with our friends, but those nights with our friends on stage performing music is something special. Missing that is tough for both of us.

Because Kelley is usually passed out with the lights and TV on in our bedroom well before 10 p.m., it makes it easier for her to not want to do anything except rest. For me, you would think it's tough stay home knowing my wife is asleep, but I don't and will never be that guy. There will be times when I can and will go out, but for the most part, I want to be there for Kelley even when she's sacked out. Call me crazy, but it just feels like the right thing to do. Besides, it gives me total freedom in my man cave to watch sports and truly appreciate the fact that just in other room, my son or daughter is growing inside my wife.

Although we are now missing out on what are no doubt good times with our great friends, it's OK because Kelley and I have something so much better and more important going on inside that beautiful belly of hers. Once Baby Husband arrives, we can start to slowly get back into the groove with our friends.